Crisis at a Quarter

For all of you who know, or don't know,  I was engaged for a week and a half and then my fiance left me. The details of why or how are not so important at this time, I write to tell you the life lessons that came about when I lost, who I thought to be, the love of my life.

People will (and have) criticize me for going so quickly in the relationship. We were together for 3 months total. Some have said I was "naive" and "foolish" others told me that I had it coming because, obviously, how could you know someone in 3 months. But I just don't care what these people think. I was following the spirit. The spirit was telling me "go on, it will all be ok." Every obstacle stopping me from continuing the relationship, (either my own feelings or his own mistakes) I would pray fervently if he was the right person to be with and my answer was always "go on, it will all be ok." I forgave him for his faults, I sucked up my fear and I "went on" because I knew it was all going to be ok.

Little did I know...

"Ok" to God and "Ok" to us human beings are two VERY different things. Why I haven't figured this out yet, is astounding!

So there I was, standing on my front porch fiance-less and ring-less, feeling the most intense sense of loss and abandonment. (Interestingly enough, being abandoned has been my biggest fear for some time.) And in that moment, my worst fears didn't just creep up on me, they jumped me at my most vulnerable state of being. Over the next week or so I mourned the loss of my future marriage and husband, but mostly, I mourned the loss of my best friend. I was actually keeping things together and glad that I could move on so quickly. But after experiencing a *burnt toast moment, I came to realize my biggest predicament.

I was abandoned. And it hurt.

So at 1:30 in the morning I frantically called my sister, Rachel. (Who has been a HUGE help in all of this). I called her and blurted out desperately, "Rachel, I was just abandoned. I was just faced with my biggest fear and it hurt more than I could imagine." After over 2 hours of talking she brought up a very good point; I was confronted with my biggest fear, and I turned out just fine. What a huge realization this was!  As hard as this loss is, it's not the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. A bolt of lightning struck me "Liz, you're ok."

So what are these life lessons, you ask?  Well, one of them happens to be that I can do hard things. I have overcome death, disease, loss, abuse, and the pain that comes from my own sins, and I have come out the victor. (Of course none of this can have been accomplished without the Savior and the Atonement).  Another is: having to face my fears is incredibly freeing. I was so desperate to not be abandoned that I was begging him to stay and offering up the best parts about me to be with him. Thankfully, the spirit (and his agency) intervened and he left anyway. Next time, I will have the knowledge that even if the next "love of my life" leaves me, the pain of abandonment will be insignificant to the pain that will be later felt by giving up the best parts of me to be with that person.

Unfortunately, one of the other life lessons I learned was: Now what? I had a very clear future in mind when he proposed to me. Not so much a "happily ever after" but I knew that whatever obstacle that we faced, we would be able to face them together. No longer would I have to fight my way through life alone. I would be a wife and a mother. All of these clear decisions I made have now been fogged over. I was going to have a place to live, a job to go to, and a very comfortable life with my "honey bun". In the process of these "clear decisions" I gave up my apartment, my schooling, and my life back in Salt Lake City. I now don't even know if the business I have always wanted is the right path for me. I guess you can say, I've entered into my Quarter Life Crisis and I have to start all over again.

Where am I going? What will I be doing? Who will I be meeting? Are all nagging questions I'm faced with. Somedays I see it as an adventure. I get a free pass to start my whole life over! While it's exciting it is also a bit overwhelming. Somedays I see it as a chore: Figure out what you want to do and don't screw it up!

So, here I start my new stage of life. I guess we can call this chapter: "New Beginnings".  The "unknown" is always a bit scary, but I'm excited for this fresh start. I'm incredibly grateful to my Savior for letting me start over. I guess that's the most beautiful part about the atonement.

Life Lessons By Liz: Go on, it will all be ok.

*burnt toast moment: The moment when a piece of burnt toast leaves you crumbling on the floor bawling your eyes out, when previous (and much harder) obstacles have failed to do the same. And we all know, it has nothing to do with the toast.

On a scale of one to awesome...

I just want to create beautiful things, even if no one cares. Is that too much to ask???


Huh?

Is IT?

I didn't think so! And yet, I find myself in a perpetual state of boredom. I'm bored with my clothes, my hair, my lack of job, my lack of money, my lack of friends.....basically just a general lack of awesomeness!

The only, and yes I mean only, redeeming feature in my life is my very wonderful boyfriend Kade. He and I have been dating a little over a month.  Things are getting serious y'all, and it's wonderful!

Oh wait, I did forget that I have 10 paintings of mine featured at a beauty salon in Salt Lake! (1340 E 200 S just below the UofU.) Now, if I could get said paintings to sell that would be so wonderful!

More later. Let's hope things become more exciting in the next few months, cuz my life could use a jolt of awesomeness.

How are things on the West Coast?

Rachel and I finished a week long journey to Oregon and Washington! We saw the Ocean, shops, more shops, flowers, seashells...did I mention we went shopping?

Fun fact #1 about Oregon: There are no signs letting you know you're on the right road, so just assume that all roads lead to the ocean.

Fun fact #2: If the sign says "rocks", "slides", "lights", or "congestion" take it more seriously than it looks.

and...

Fun fact #3: Just because it's July, doesn't mean it's going to feel like summer!

After fun adventures on multiple beaches I decided that Cannon Beach was my favorite. The water was slightly warmer and the view was spectacular. I had so much fun on our adventure but I find there is no place like home.

Tri, Tri, Tri again.

I am officially off of all, yes ALL of my medications. I finally feel normal again!  I decided the best way to come off all of these chemicals (without too many withdrawals or side effects) is to counteract  them with some chemicals all on my own....ENDORPHINS!

I, Liz Erickson, will be participating in the August 18th "Triathamom". It's a sprint Triathlon consisting of three events; swim 400 meters, bike 12 miles, and run 5 kilometers. It's been about five weeks since I started my training and I feel amazing. Sometimes when I'm biking or running I keep thinking "what in the world am I getting myself into?" But, overall I'm happy I'm doing it. It's bringing me a huge sense of accomplishment that I've never thought I could have. It also helps me to think "you know, if I could do this...what else am I capable of doing?' the answer: just about anything!

Another good benefit of this training is my meal planning. Sometimes I'm so hungry, I can down an entire hamburger, and guilt is nowhere to be found. Half the time I've already burned off a good chunk of calories for the day so anything I eat after that doesn't really add up to anything. But (mostly) I just like to eat healthy now. Today I made this AMAZING quesadilla I threw together and it was so good! I also thought it was so pretty that I had to take a picture.

Here's the recipe:

2 white or wheat tortillas (I prefer wheat, but the picture shows white)

1 roma tomato diced

1 avocado diced

1/4 cup of black beans

1/2 cup of cheese

1/2 cup spinach

1 lime

salt to taste

Start browning one of the tortillas in a round pan. (Do this BEFORE chopping all of your veggies so it's perfectly brown by the time your ready to flip it. This will keep the spinach nice and crunchy). In a bowl mix tomatoes, avocado, black beans, lime, and salt. Spread the mixture on the tortilla in the pan. Add cheese. Once the cheese is almost melted, add the spinach. Cover with 2nd tortilla and flip. Brown the 2nd tortilla and you're done!

With the wonderful flavors a glass of raspberry limeade really added a nice summer touch.

For one quart:

1/2 cup lime juice (I used 1/4 cup of limeade juice and then 4 limes squeezed)

3 1/4 Cup cold water

1/2 cup sugar

1/4 mashed raspberries

Mix all ingredients until sugar is dissolved. Add ice. (You can add a sprig of mint if you're getting really fancy!)

Mmmmm. Don't these look amazing? Enjoy!

Bucket list

I made this booklet of all the things I want to accomplish in this life called "Cough Syrup is Yucky." Its a fun way of making a "bucket list".

With God (and willpower) all things are possible.

Sometimes I feel Facebook was created for the sole purpose of making me feel completely jealous. I don't know how many times I end up getting frustrated after looking at the wonderful things people are accomplishing: Getting married, having children, going on exciting adventures, getting promoted, falling in love, etc.

I decided I'm too focused on everyone else's accomplishments that I haven't really looked at my own. So, drum roll please, for a list of my accomplishments in the last few months.

* I painted 4 new paintings for a wedding that everyone loved.

* I am training for a triathlon and have managed to stick to my training schedule for a WHOLE WEEK! (A sprint triathlon is NOT an Ironman triathlon. It's 400 yd swim, 12.5 mile bike ride, and a 5K run.)

* I have decided to go off all of my anxiety and anti-everything medication because I want to kick this    thing with my own strength. (The withdrawals are not my favorite but, It's better than taking medication to treat side-effects for another medication.)

* I finished my 10th painting.

* I made a new friend.

* I found an athlete inside of me.

* I have been practicing a new piano piece and I'm getting really good at it (if I do say so myself).

* I have discovered the show The Big Bang Theory and fell in love with it.

* I flirted with a boy (believe you me, it's been a LONG time since I've flirted!)

* I discovered a new hairstyle that I absolutely love.

* I am slightly tanner now than I was in the winter time...slightly.

* I'm finding happiness inside of me and am realizing that I don't always have to be pretending to be happy for people to like me. 

* I'm becoming more confident.

* I was asked to be a "fashion expert" at a "beauty night" put on by my old ward. 

* I started my 11th painting.

Small accomplishments, yes, but they are leading to greater things. 

I also want to thank you for all of your prayers for my happiness and well-being because they are being answered. You have not knelt in vain! 

I a'int dead yet!

After many months, I finally have a diagnoses!  I have conversion disorder (wiki it if you want to know). But being diagnosed was only half the battle. Now, I just need to overcome it.

Last month I moved back to my Dad's house; because holding a job, when my symptoms are so unpredictable, is very difficult. I think I finally adjusted moving back, but I'm still having a hard time not using my beautiful dishes and seeing my wonderful and colorful decorations. If I had only one complaint about moving home is: EVERYTHING IS BEIGE! The plates, the walls, the furniture! Yuck. I'm a color person, the more vibrant the better. However; this solution is better than anything so I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

I'm currently subleasing my apartment in Salt Lake and my roommate stayed and someone else will move in. This is the perfect situation because I didn't have to move my furniture and I can move back to my apartment when I start to feel better.

Currently my day consists of scanning my Grandma's pictures and naming them. This is a project my Dad needs done, but doesn't have time to do it himself. He estimated there were around 22,000 pictures and the other day my aunt brought over more. I also have been working on 4 paintings for a wedding. They have an antique theme and I drew AND painted my very first bicycle and it actually looks like one!  You may not care, but I'm stinkin' proud of myself!

A week and a half ago I went to Arches with my good friend Michelle. It just so happened to be over her birthday weekend. While buying ice, prior to leaving Pleasant View, she mentioned it was her birthday weekend and we're going to Arches and a nice sales associate gave her a free Happy Birthday balloon. On our way to Delicate Arch, we tied the balloon to the backpack we were carrying and about 50 people wished her a Happy Birthday.  Once we got to the Arch, I had her open her present (cupcakes with candles) and as she is blowing out the candles, 15 random strangers started singing her a happy birthday! Once the song got to the "Happy Birthday dear _______" there were many different endings. My favorites consisted of "Happy Birthday dear": blonde girl, birthday girl, stranger girl, and my absolute favorite: pink shirt girl. I can't really speak for her but, if it were my birthday, it would have been the best birthday ever. Not to brag or anything, but I throw one heck of a party!

Life is certainly unexpected and I'm learning to just go with the flow instead of fighting my fate. I find it difficult that nothing is going how I planned it to go, but good things will come out of this. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". Good! My future is looking better and better then.

Alphabet Soup

I've recently been deemed a shut-in, in my lovely apartment. I had to withdraw from this semester, quit my job (with them enthusiastically holding my spot awaiting for my return), and I had to go to the Clinic...a lot. With all that has been going on, my mind is whirling with the different language that is spoken within the medical profession. And so I bring to you my whirlwind of 3 months entitled: Alphabet Soup.

July: I was taken to the ER due to an anxiety attack that made it quite difficult to breath. They hooked me up to oxygen, gave me Ativan, and gave me an EKG.

August: My left arm, face, and chest went numb. I was taken to the Instacare, but after hearing my symptoms they sent me to the ER (once again). They checked my heart, gave me a CT Scan, found nothing, and sent me home.

September: The numbness and pain were intensifying, but I had to work that night so I went to the Instacare for some pain killers and went to work. Two hours into work, a co-worker found me curled up on the bathroom floor and I was sent home. Within the last couple of weeks I've had 3 MRI's done, countless doctors visits, no answers, and too many days spent at home.

The Physical Medicine doctor hasn't found anything and in October, I go see a Neurologist for an EMG. I have been on 6 different medications within 2 weeks of each other. And I have to do something normal (though painful) everyday or else I find I go crazy! I have "Lizzified" my entire apartment by crafting the crap outta everything! Hopefully, they'll find something in my EMG on Monday because I would surely love to get back to work.

I'm learning how to be dependent on everyone (something I am not used to and quite honestly am having a hard time with it). My roommate is fantastic! She has helped me so much lately. Last night she was a pro, when I woke up to blinding pain and she was so good at keeping me calm and making me feel better...emotionally. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be learning through all of this, but I'm keeping my chin up (most days) and I'm doing my best to stay positive and focused. I certainly hope that whatever lesson He intends for me to learn, is learned very, very quickly. If not, my entire apartment might just become be-dazzeled very soon!

Who's on First?

With this being the first week of school I thought I would share with you some good and bad firsts of mine.

I remember the first day of kindergarten. I was wearing a faded blue top and my new blue jeans. My hair was perfectly permed, my Sesame Street backpack filled with crayons and paper, and in my arm a roll of paper towels. I remember being very nervous. What if I don't know the answer, will my teacher still call on me? I just barely learned how to spell my name, is she going to require more from me? I don't know anyone, will I ever make friends? Sure enough, my biggest fears were all diminished and I made lots of friends and had a wonderful time.

The first boy I liked is currently on Facebook and has every opportunity to read this so I'm just going to use his initials. In second grade I thought I was in love with K.B. We were partnered up in a play as husband and wife and I thought for sure I would die of happiness. We got to rehearse our lines together, just him and me. The best part was that I knew a few girls who really liked him too and they were all immensely jealous. Sometimes he would look my way, sometimes he would talk to me. I even put his picture in a locket of mine. Oh K.B. you will always hold a special place in my heart for being the first boy I ever thought I loved.

There's many other firsts that have been a great deal of stress for me. My first job was as a car-hop working at Kirt's drive in. My first boss was an &%$@^*, my first date eventually came out of the closet, and my first car accident wasn't that great either. I think my least favorite first was my first time driving a car by myself. I'm pretty sure I almost caused at least 5, no 6 accidents, but I made it home alive...

This week I started a new job and my first day at the U of U. It's going to be tough getting back into a regular study schedule, but I'm sure (with a lot of ice cream) I will manage.

Tonight I had another 2 firsts that brought me great joy and then great sorrow. My friend's Dad was kind enough to send me home with some fresh tomatoes from his garden. I went home immediately and started to make my very first homemade marinara. Oh it was turning out perfectly! Everything was coming together: the noodles and bread were coming out perfect. And then I got side tracked...

Smoke was rising from the oven door, and I gently opened it to find that the bread (covered in olive oil, garlic, and oregano) was on fire. Not just a little, but enough for me to use the fire extinguisher for the FIRST time in my life. I was so disappointed with myself that I burned the bread.

However; there is one good thing that still turned out. I managed to cover the simmering sauce and saved it for a later date.

Moral of the story: come hell and high-water....save the sauce.

I'm grateful for...

Rainstorms

Pandora

Friends with phones

phones

phone chargers

straightners

sunsets

Eating out

paint

sunscreen

chapstick

blankets

netflix

facebook

speed dial

pineapple

fake flowers

real flowers

mini vacations

feeling pretty

comfy shoes

bandaids

a/c

full tank of gas

vanilla coke

anticipation of seeing a friend you haven't seen forever

seeing that friend you haven't seen forever

DayQuil

Claritin

Clothes

Paychecks

doctors

indoor plumbing

britta water filters

good books

chocolate

frosty's

exterminators

cool summer evenings

fall leaves

new beginnings

makeup

flip flops

soft towels

cameras

best friends

laptops

car snacks

water

playing in the water

coats

toothbrush/toothpaste

Loratab

Creativity

Baking

Color

compliments

watching great dancers

magazines

sample perfume

angry chic music

therapy

a listening ear

watermelon

brownies

nail polish

sewing machines

fabric too pretty to use

cardstock

paper

markers

rubber cement

teaching someone

learning something (outside of your field) that makes since

fireplace

having proof

breakfast

full fridge

magic 8 balls

lava lamps

tissues

calamine lotion

happy movies

moving movies

inspirational movies

productive days

teaching yourself something

taking the initiative

inspiration

writing

candles

letters

being silly

Halloween

poetry

memorizing poetry

writing poetry

being right

having your opinion challenged and still being right

Christmas Eve

New Years Eve

never making the recipe before and have it turn out perfect the first time

water fights

picnics

solitude

intimate parties

late night talks

late night movies

late night snacks

sleeping in

waking early to a sunrise

yoga

being a girl (despite it's challenges)

new outfits

old outfits that you redesigned

thrift stores

people asking for your help

being able to help that person

people calling you out of the blue because they were thinking of you

being helped

having people care

lazy days

medication

feeling confident

being confident

children laughing

being able to calm a crying child

great hair days

my ability to find something I like about everyone

my ability to create anything I want

my ability to sing

my ability to nurture

my ability to take nothing and make it something beautiful

my ability to make words mean something

my ability to ease someone's pain

my ability to love

my ability to to sew/cook/clean/write poetry/paint

helping someone without realizing it

mother's

the gospel

the scriptures

blessings

taste buds

finding a new favorite restaurant

tears of joy

finding out what's wrong

anticipation of falling in love

planning

being silly

having someone be silly with you

changing for the better

kicking a bad habit

feeling happy

being happy

stories

having a crush

being asked out

the good times with my family

being taken care of

unexpected visits

a clean house

good role models

cloudy days

sunshine

spontaneous vacations

spontaneous gestures

haircuts

loss, love, and more life lessons!

I refound my love for swimming.

My friend Tammy and I went to the new 7 peaks that opened here in Salt Lake on Saturday. I was going to be so sun smart this time because I always get sunburned. So I applied once, twice, three times (a lady) and was so proud of myself. I get home feeling sunkissed and exhausted. So, after taking a much needed nap, I wake to find a HUGE sunburn on my back. Yes, I did apply sunscreen there, however; it was more of a *squirt* "I think I got my back" sort of thing. No, I did not get it.

I got in my first car accident.

However; this was not my car's first car accident. I was driving on South Temple heading home (east) and as I'm going through 7th east intersection (on a very green light I might add) this car (traveling west and turning left onto 7th east) decides that I must be turning right not straight (it was 11PM) and decides to turn left, right in front of me! So I hit her full on with my car and get the passenger side of her car! My car was completely totaled but, I felt so bad for her. She was 17, driving a 2000 and something Honda Civic and she gets the citation for "failure to yield". She kept apologizing over and over and I kept reassuring her that I am fine, it could be worse, and that car was about to go anyway. Poor thing. (The girl and Betsy, my cute little car). That car has been through 7 drivers in my family, countless trips to Southern Utah (and twice to Yellowstone) and many trips to and from Weber High. It was a very good car.

Right now I'm just trying to figure out the insurance and finding a way to get around. Thankfully I have an amazing ward and a very understanding Dad!

Life Lesson Learned...sometimes "our blessings come through raindrops"

Not enough room...ie.

I will have a roommate come August. As I move things around to make room for her I realize that there was barely room for me! I have a year and a half of a single, roommateless life and I've managed to spread out. So hopefully I will figure things out soon.

Now I'm just looking for a job. I've applied to 14 jobs over the weekend but I'm coming up short.

Went to the Farmer's Market fashion show and ended up helping backstage dressing models. It was good to be back around fashion lovers. I miss the love of fashion that I had, and lost. I feel like I'm getting back into it. I'm now helping with the Live Arts Festival with their fashion show. It's good to be back doing what I love.

Things have been a little tattered in my life lately and I really hope that something comes along to give me that zeal I had for life again.

To Dad (this is what I wrote him for his father's day gift)

You taught me how to change a tire and how to bale hay.
I listen, even when you speak no words, to everything you say.
You taught me how to work hard morning, noon and night.
And for things that I believed in, to stand up and to fight.

When I was sick you cared for me, when I was well you cheered!
And you were always there protecting me against those things I feared.
You taught me right from wrong, you showed me good from bad,
And you taught me how to find the happiness even when I'm sad.

You made me finish the things I started and do the things I hate,
Even now I hear those words "cooperate and graduate."
You taught me to kneel and pray when times were rough and hard,
and the things that brought me pain, you told me to discard.

You care about me now as you cared about me then,
and anytime I'll fall down, you'll pick me up again.
And when I'm angry, happy or poor, tired, joyful, or sad--
I know you'll always be there, how? Well, cause you're my dad!

Lilacs and Pandora

Two things have always been able to calm me: the smell of flowers and music.

I remember the first day of high school, palms sweating, heart pounding, and adrenaline pumping. I was nervous, and I think my brother Danny could tell. He was a senior to my lowly sophomore and the chauffeur for the year. I don't remember too much, but I do remember the sound of Linkin Park's Meteoria pumping through the speakers of our car. Somehow, it suited the blood churning in my body and amazingly, I was comforted.

A year and some-odd months later I was about to take my first test on the driving range. Once again my brother drove and hard core Sum 41 pounded through the entire car and into my body. Somehow, at that moment, 2 wrongs (adrenaline from being petrified and adrenaline from the music) made a right, and my heart was stilled.

As I sit here the perfume of the lilacs float through my open window. It reminds me of the countless times I "ran away" and ended up in a garden or field, letting the smells mix through the air and calm my fragile heart. Tonight is no different.

Tomorrow is a big interview. The job isn't anything fantastic, but the benefits will be an answer to my prayers. It comes with great pay, great hours, and tuition reimbursement. I've always been stressed about school and money and this would be the best opportunity to finally put an end to all of it.

So thanks to an open window and Pandora, I think I can rest easy tonight.

Wish me luck.

Clara Belle

Used bike: 100$, Bike lock: 30$, Wicked cool name for the bike: priceless.

(However all of this was bought on a Visa card so it's not as witty as I thought!)

So, today I drove by a thrift store and outside was this extremely cute bike! It kept calling to me "Lizzy, buy me!" I stopped by the store and asked how much it was and he said it was 100$. Well, recently I've been looking at bikes on ebay and everything was at least 150$ and then 40$ for shipping. So when this was already the perfect bike and I didn't have to pay for shipping it became sold.

I drove it home and tried to install the lock bracket thing (that holds the lock on the bike), but it wasn't working and then after an hour I gave up and just decided that I didn't need the bracket thing. So I decided to take her out for a spin. I thought this was such an amazing bike! It's so cute and so I christened her then and there: this is Clara Belle.

As I was riding her around the block I realized 3 important things...1) I am incredibly out of shape, 2) Clara Belle is one of those old bikes that have the brakes on the pedals (which is one of the reasons I fell in love with her, she reminded me of my childhood bikes) so I'm going down hill I'm trying out the brakes and...they're not really working. And the third very important thing I realized is that...Clara Belle doesn't turn! It has one of those really wide turning radius! So I'm turning and I'm braking and I'm huffing and puffing and I thought to myself "I just spent 100$ on a big mistake!"

I thought that I could ride my cute bike to school when I got to the U. I also thought that If I go to close places I could save Betsy (my car) from some unnecessary wear and tear. But now I have a bike that doesn't brake, doesn't turn, and can't really go uphill.

Life Lesson Learned: Never buy anything because it's pretty.

Liz

Imagine yourself...

You know what I'm sick and tired of? Women (no matter their shape or size) hating their body. I have a friend that constantly says things like: "I don't like wearing swimsuits in front of men." or "I would look so much better if I was just 5 pounds lighter." Why do we do this to ourselves?? Why do we let ourselves look in the mirror and destroy what's truly unique to us all? Why do we let the media tell us that we're not pretty enough or skinny enough? Well this is what I say to that...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I chose a long time ago to love me and I mean ALL of me. Every hill and valley, every thigh dimple, every acne scar, every bad hair day, everything. Elder Holland once counseled to the young women by saying:

"I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different. Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not!... We should all be as fit as we can be—that’s good Word of Wisdom doctrine. That means eating right and exercising and helping our bodies function at their optimum strength. We could probably all do better in that regard. But I speak here of optimum health; there is no universal optimum size."

So here I make the same pleading to all of you: love yourself, for you are unique. Love everything about yourself that you cannot change, and change only the things that are unhealthy. Here I've included some pictures of models and celebrities who are constantly breaking the Hollywood mold. These women are famous for being different...that is something to celebrate.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Nikki Blonsky. She is the star in Hairspray and the TV show Huge. They took this picture of Nikki and the next day she found it on billboards everywhere. Miss Blonsky could have freaked out and apologized for her curvy ways, but she didn't. Mad props Miss Nikki.

Paparazzi took a photo of Tyra Banks and photoshopped her to make her larger. Then, in an effort to turn this into a giant scandal, they posted it all over the National Enquirer. What this magazine never anticipated was what happened next:

Tyra Banks went on her talk show and started the "So what? Campaign". She even appeared on her show in the same bathing suit and posed next to a cutout of the photoshopped pictures. Instead of denying that this was her body and being ashamed, she declared to the entire nation...So what? So what if she really looked like that picture? Does being curvy make her less smart, less beautiful, or less successful? No, and that's why People magazine did a cover and spread on the lovely Tyra. She wore that red tube top bathing suit and posted her weight, (161 pounds) and then made an episode on her show where everyone in the audience donned a red tube top with their weight planted on their chest.

Miss Tyra made huge waves with this "So what?" movement and made the media coward away with their tail between their legs. She even warned these salacious magazines that they can "kiss my fat a$$". Thanks Tyra for sticking it to the man.

Whitney is Cycle 10 winner on America's Next Top Model. She is the first plus size model to win the competition. There have been many plus size model contestants who have competed on the show but halfway through, they let the other models' size get to them, their confidence wavers, their pictures fail, and they are sent home. Miss Whitney never faltered, never wavered, and never lost her confidence. To this day she still holds the title of the only plus size model to win. Go Whitney!

Laura Stone is one of the biggest names in the fashion world today. She is know for her bigger bust (albeit tiny waist), voluptuous hips, and a big gap in her teeth. She is praised, nay, worshiped! for her quirky teeth and womanly curves. You can see her in every fashion magazine anywhere from Vogue to Marie Claire and Elle to Vanity Fair. Brava Miss Stone for daring to be different.

Just to prove that I'm just as secure with myself as any of these gorgeous celebrities, I'm including a picture of myself in my cute new bathing suit. I love me, and I hope that maybe this blog will inspire you to love yourself too.

Be your own beautiful!

Liz

Car, Kitchen, Catastrophe!

Well now that everything in my life officially is good again, it's time for all the bad stuff to come pouring in. Let's see if this time I can handle it without a breakdown.

Monday was my second french test. I wasn't all that prepared for it but I figured I could just take it and see what happens. So I'm on 5th S and 5th E about to get on the freeway when, all-of-the-sudden my car starts smoking! Now I've told Betsy (my car) time and time again that smoking is bad for her health and can cause serious lung damage, but here she is, her temperature rising and smoke coming out of the hood. Drat you Betsy.

So I pull over and say a quick prayer that I'll make it somewhere so someone can do something about poor Betsy. I finally pull into a Jiffy Lube (about 4 blocks away) and it's smoking so much I can barely see past it. So the attendant at Jiffy Lube looks at the smoke and asks "is this why your here?" In my mind I was thinking (No captain obvious I'm here for an oil change!) but instead I just said yes and he walked me into the waiting room.

So I was there all of 2 seconds when the man came back in and explained to me that my radiator was cracked, so the coolant was leaking out. So he filled it up with more coolant and told me to just fill it with water if it does it again until I can replace the radiator...which is $150 or more.

Now every morning I diligently pour 1/2 gallon of water into Betsy and say a mighty prayer that I'll get wherever I need to safely and without incident (and so far it's doing ok). BUT! Silver lining is, I didn't have to take my french test and my teacher allows one dropped test. Yippee! Now I just have to do well on all my other test.

Now about my kitchen....there's a leak in the plumbing and it infested all of the drawers and cupboards below the sink with mold. So the landlord had someone to come and clean it (which was kind of embarrassing because my house wasn't clean and I didn't know they were coming) and he was having a hard time because there was so much mold everywhere! He took out one of the drawers and he realized that it was covered in black mold...yes black! Meaning I should have been in a hospital bed a long time ago (another amazing miracle from a very loving God).

This morning they were supposed to come and fix it (fixing the leak in the plumbing and clean all the mold) but when I got home everything was where it was at when I left it. So now I'm just waiting for that to get fixed and time (and money) to get my radiator fixed. Oh and I had to throw away my mixer, my blender, and my crock pot because the mold got in all the nooks and crannies and there would be no way for me to completely clean all of it. And seeing that I'm allergic to mold, I didn't really want to risk it.

So after all that has happened I can still see God's hand in everything. I'm so grateful that even in the most difficult of times I can still have mini miracles given to me to know that I'm loved.

Life is beautiful!

Liz

pouring rain, painting clouds, pill popping...point taken

Rain, rain, go away. It's May, for heavens sakes, and its raining...ALL THE TIME! I want sunshine on my shoulder...because it makes me happy. I'm very close to getting in the car and driving to vegas (which I hate vegas) so I can sit by a pool and get completely sunburned (I just don't tan!) and I want to see palm trees and blue skies.

That's enough about the weather (I mean what am I 80?) Speaking of 80, I'm taking an oil painting class and everyone is at least 45 or older. I love the diversity of this group. It's a private class with 3-7 people. Some people are coloring with colored pencils and others are painters. The picture above is what I am painting. It's an abandoned house in Wyoming. However, my clouds are a bit more dark and dreary then this picture. I think I'm doing really good. There's only a few times I've gotten frustrated with my painting. Mainly because the house wasn't cooperating.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and so now I'm on these pills for it. Lucky for me though, I get to experience every single side effect. So I can focus and I get to have: Insomnia, nausea, loss of appetite, migraines (all the time), weakness, and disorientation. Yippee! So I'm getting a new prescription but for the meantime I am slowly coming off of these meds.

Life is going so great right now. I have a great job (sometimes), and I like my classes, and I have a great ward, and life is good.

Hope life is beautiful for you too.

Liz

Random Thoughts

So I got my hair colored today. It looks like Emma Stone's color in Easy A. I almost wish it was just a little bit more red.

Today I'm moving my old bed frame and cutting table so there's room in the second bedroom for the new roommate. This girl was supposed to move in and now she's not sure, which makes me kind of mad seeing as I asked her 2 weeks ago if she wanted to move in and she said she did. Now she's not sure and I have 1 week to find a roommate.

I made new curtains the other night and I'm having a party on Thursday so everyone can come and admire them. If anything it's just an excuse to invite people over. People think I'm crazy when they learn I'm throwing a party for curtains, but I threw a party over buying new bowls a couple of months ago.

I'm in the process of writing a poem for some friends getting married. It's about how they're relationship is like ice cream. Maybe I'll post it sometime. I found this poem I wrote awhile ago. I didn't write it with anyone in mind, but I'm in a phase where I'm sharing my talents. Hope you enjoy, just don't read too much into it...it's just a poem.

Someone to love me

I promise I would be somebody

But I thought that I was not

When someone was there to love me

I pushed them out of thought

I wanted to be somebody

But I don’t know where to start

And I thought I’d love somebody

But all I did was break my heart

When love caught me off guard

I stumbled and lost my way

But love caught me back again

And started all my days

When the sky was dark and lonely

My heart did not share its track

But now I’m in love with someone

And they with love brought me back

To Mom:

I miss the smell of your perfume and the wrinkles on your face

I miss the way you light a room when you walked into the place

I miss the times you let me try my clumsy hand at baking

Or the way that opportunities were yours then, for the taking

I miss your hair, your eyes, your clothes, I even miss your skin

I miss the way you hugged me tight and said that I could win

I miss the times I cried to you I miss the good times too

But most of all I miss your love it always will stay true

And even though I can’t feel you or see you laugh or smile

You’re always there to cheer me on no matter what the trial

So dear mom I hope you know I’ll always miss you, yet--

I know that through the good and bad I love you, don’t forget.

(Just been thinking about her a lot lately. She was the greatest woman I know.)